How to Take One Small Step Towards More Confidence
Why do we need confidence in our lives and ourselves? How important is it to us really?
Well, we all need a certain level of confidence to get through our day. Confidence to drive our car without fear of an accident. Confidence to enjoy our roles in our professional lives, knowing we can undertake the tasks expected of us. Confidence to meet that “amazing person” your friend has been nudging you towards! Confidence to attend a group exercise class for the first time. Confidence to start that new venture your soul has been urging you to.
We need a certain amount of confidence just to undertake our day to day tasks and you, my friend, already have that. But if a lack of confidence is stopping you from moving towards something bigger, brighter and bolder, something that would make your heart sing, I encourage you to keep reading.
For example, you may have a wish to be in a healthy and loving relationship with plans to start a family. But a lack of confidence stops you from dating or truly opening yourself up to someone else.
You may have met the fabulous person and fallen in love, but fear of becoming an “instant parent” to their child is stopping you from taking the next step.
You may have a burning desire to climb the corporate ladder, but fear you’re not smart, experienced or qualified enough.
Been at home for five years raising children and dying to go back to work? You may be frightened you no longer have the skills or talent.
You vowed this year would be all about your health and fitness, but the thought of donning Lycra and stepping into a gym is too frightening a concept.
Or, your dream of starting a business that brings you freedom and joy just won't go away. If only you had the confidence to take the first step.
The list could go and on and although the examples are different they all have one thing in common – a lack of confidence stops us in our tracks and prevents us from moving forward towards our dreams and desires. Our VISION.
Before I continue, let's get crystal clear on one thing. It is IMPOSSIBLE to feel 100% confident about something new, different or bigger and brighter than ever before. So you can stop beating yourself up, or putting yourself down. The steps into your new, exciting adventure come first......the feelings of confidence follow.
It is also possible feel overwhelming confidence in some areas of your life, but terrified to take action in others.
You can also lack confidence in one of more areas of our life due to messages you have been told or situations you have experienced.
Anxiety and self doubt may have been something you've struggled with your entire life, or a significant life event such as a divorce or redundancy may have temporarily knocked you sideways.
Lack of confidence feeds your resistance to change and prevents you from moving forward.
So what can you do to move yourself from a place of fear and paralysis into a place of confidence and action? Grab your journal, or a piece of paper and try this short exercise.
1. Decide which area of your life you need to gain or regain confidence in. Make it clear.
2. Write down the goal you wish to achieve in this area.
3. Consider and write down what frightens you about this goal. Don’t let it paralyse you. Just write it down and move onto the next part.
4. Take some time and write down three actions you could take to lead you towards this goal.
5. Look at your three actions and write down how you feel about them. If you can’t come to a place of comfort with one or more actions, consider changing them until you do.
I’ll give you an example here:
1. I need to regain confidence in dating after my break up.
2. My goal is to meet a person I can relate to, eventually fall in love with and share my life with.
3. What frightens me is that I may fall in love again and have my heart broken again.
4. Three actions I need to take to lead me towards this goal are:
Tell my friends and I’m ready to date again – maybe they know someone nice.
I enjoy cooking – I could join a cooking class. Maybe there would be a nice and interesting person there who enjoys cooking too.
Research and explore online dating or dating agencies that my suit my values.
5. How I feel about these actions:
My friends know and love me. They wouldn’t introduce me to anyone unless they think we have some things in common. And anyway, it’s just meeting someone new.
I really love cooking and have always wanted to learn how to cook Thai. Making a new friend would just be a nice bonus. I think the cooking class would be fun anyway.
This action does make me a bit anxious but when I think about it some more I’m just exploring options right now. I’m not committing to anything. I’m just doing research to see if I like any of them. Who do I know that has done this before? Sarah! I’ll arrange a chat with her. That will be fun. I love Sarah. She’s good fun and smart and funny.
Obviously this appears to be a very simplistic example, but if you give it a try you may find that just taking a few tiny steps towards something starts to make you feel better about the goal. And as you experience success when completing the tiny steps (or actions), you may try some larger ones. And guess what you are creating in the process? You are creating and building your confidence.
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