Recently I received an email from a past client who is a mum to two small boys, has just purchased her first business, handles all the household duties and operates her very own "mum's taxi". She has been separated from her husband for a while and is now embarking on a new, exciting romantic relationship. She is an incredibly dynamic woman with plenty of demands on her time.
She started the email with what she’s been up to, then asked “Janelle, can we really have it all?” WOW.
I stared at the question for a while. I’m sure she didn’t mean for it to have such a profound effect on me (or maybe she did) but I had to stop and really consider the meaning behind her question. Firstly, it suggests that, like some of us in May 2020, she is struggling with all the changes she's experiencing and/or feeling overwhelmed.
It stuck in my mind for days. Can we really have it all? What is "all" anyway?
And is right now one of the best times to determine that - on the cusp of our new beginnings, our new normal?
Is Having It All a partner, kids, uplifting career or business, wealth and prosperity, spirituality, social life and amazing health?
Is Having It All being a stay home parent, attending soccer trials and art camps?
Is Having It All foregoing being parents and creating our own adventures?
Or a mash-up of all of the above?
The truth is no one has a storybook perfect life. But what some have is an acceptance of their journey, peace with their current situation, openness to personal growth and a desire to learn and aspire for more.
Aspiring for more, or a desire to “have it all” is clarifying what you want to be, do or have next in your life, creating that vision and taking some practical steps to achieve it regardless of what everyone else around you is doing.
The first step in the process is working out what “having it all” means to you.
You can start by determining the values that are most important to you. This can be done on paper or there are some great online tools available. Our values are part of a gorgeous internal compass that leads us through life. When we attempt to do something that does not match our values it can create an uncomfortable feeling and we may find it difficult to achieve the goal or vision. When we move towards something aligned with our values it feels "right" and things just seem to fall into place.
Now you’ve determined your values, check in to see if you are living a life in line with them.
If you are happy with your current situation and status - great – put your arm around your version of Ms/Mr Having It All and pop the champagne or crack open a beer.
If you find you are not living a life aligned with your values, why not? Are you being influenced by someone else’s values, or someone else’s version of success?
Sound like you? Then you may wish to create a new vision that honours your values. You can do this alone, with a friend or partner or a coach. Try to include every area in your life that you feel needs a bit of a revamp.
We are living in a world that is currently under transformation. Now may be the perfect time to consciously tweak, or even transform, your own life for greater fulfillment and happiness.
Once you’ve clarified some new desires, you can start taking some steps towards them. Make the steps small and fun. Keep moving forward, high five yourself along the way and pretty soon you’ll be “Having It All” – your way!
So, yes I do believe you can “have it all”; the trick is being clear on what having it all means to you.
Good luck!