How to Solve Problems in Life: Look Beyond the Obvious

When I lived in the UK, one of my favourite TV shows was Countdown, a gameshow involving word and number problems the contestants were challenged to solve. I first discovered it when I was working as a live-in carer for a woman who was housebound due to age and fragility. Every weekday afternoon we'd park ourselves in her front room, surrounded by family photos and far too many ceramic figurines, flick on the television and immerse ourselves in numbers and letters.

Did it become a little competitive between the two of us? Absolutely.

There is something deeply satisfying about solving a problem. Finding the missing piece. Working something out. Getting to the answer. We're encouraged to develop this ability from an early age. At school we're given numerical and verbal problems to solve. At home we're encouraged to work things out for ourselves. As adults, our ability to think, analyse, strategise and find solutions is often rewarded.

For many of us, it's served us incredibly well. We notice what's not working and fix it. We find another way. We make decisions. We create plans. We figure things out. If you're someone who's already achieved a great deal in your life or career, there's a good chance being a capable problem-solver has been part of your success.

Which is precisely why it can be so difficult to recognise when problem-solving itself has become part of the problem.

When problem solving stops helping

Most everyday problems respond beautifully to conventional problem-solving. The washing machine breaks, you call someone. You have two meetings booked at the same time, you move one. You're trying to get somewhere and the road is closed, you find another way. We identify the problem, gather some information, consider our options and make a decision. Sometimes we do the whole thing in seconds.

Then there are the other problems. The ones that don't seem to respond to another list, another conversation or another hour of thinking.

You analyse them from every angle. You brainstorm. You research. You ask people you trust. You go backwards and forwards over the possibilities. Then you do it again, because this is important and you need to work it out.

So, you think harder.

But at some point, more thinking stops creating more clarity. It simply takes you around the same well-worn track again. The problem comes to bed with you. It greets you when you wake up. You're thinking about it in the shower, while driving, while walking, while pretending to listen to someone talk about something completely unrelated.

And, because you're somebody who normally finds answers, not being able to find this one can become a problem all by itself.

Why can't I work this out?

What am I missing?

What if I make the wrong decision?

Surely there has to be an answer?

There probably is. But sometimes you can't see it because you're trying to find it from inside the same thinking that's already created all of your current options.

What if you've already decided what the answer has to look like?

Sometimes we're not actually looking for every possible solution. We're looking for a way to make a particular solution work.

We've already decided what should happen, how it should happen, who needs to be involved, what the sequence needs to be and approximately how long it should take. Then we call it problem-solving. Without realising it, we've built a frame around the problem and are searching for the answer from inside it.

I've done this myself.

The 100-year-old house Handsome Hubby and I bought in 2014 was in dire need of some major renovations. For four years, we couldn't get the builder, finances and council approval aligned at the same time.

Four very long years.

And for much of that time, we did exactly what capable, sensible adults are taught to do. We strategised. We brainstormed. We researched. We discussed. We worried. We talked about it endlessly and most certainly bored our friends and family senseless.

Then Christmas Eve 2018 arrived. We finally had the builder and the finances in place. Now we just needed council approval. HH decided to visit the council offices in person. Ever the optimist, his parting words were, "I'm going to create a Christmas miracle."

Unfortunately, the council wasn't granting miracles that day.

He came home devastated, and seeing him so disappointed did something to me. I was done. Not I'm giving up on having the house we want done. I was done with the way we'd been trying to solve it. We'd thought about this renovation enough. We'd talked about it enough. We'd pushed it around the chessboard enough.

So we made an agreement. For the next two weeks, we weren't going to think about it at all. Christmas was here. We had family to see, friends to enjoy, food to eat and festivities to throw ourselves into. The relief was enormous.

I let it go.

Completely.

Or, at least consciously.

Three days later

At 3am, three days later, I sat bolt upright in bed with ideas swirling through my mind. Not one idea. Not a vague thought worth considering later. An entire redesign.

I crept out of bed, went into the kitchen, grabbed a notepad and began writing everything down as quickly as I could. The ideas were arriving faster than I could capture them. One sheet of paper for each room. Walls, spaces, layouts, possibilities. By the time HH joined me in the kitchen later that morning, I'd redesigned the entire renovation.

We didn't solve the problem we'd spent four years trying to solve. We stopped needing to solve it.

The problem had been: How do we get our proposed renovation through council?

My 3am idea asked a completely different question: What if we don't need council approval at all?

That changed everything. We redesigned the project within what we could do, saved hundreds of thousands of dollars and, after four years of trying to get the original plan moving, the renovation was completed within the next four months.

For years we'd been looking for ways to make one particular solution work. When we finally stopped fixating on that solution, another possibility had room to appear.

Stepping away isn't giving up

I'm not suggesting that every time something becomes difficult you ignore it, book yourself a massage and wait for the Universe to sort it out. Although there are worse ways to spend an afternoon.

There are times when a problem needs your attention. It needs research, practical thinking, conversations, decisions and action. But, there are also times when you've done all of that. You've gathered the information. You've explored the obvious options. You've thought and thought and thought.

At some point, continuing to stare at the same problem doesn't necessarily make you more responsible, committed or determined. Sometimes it simply makes your thinking smaller.

Stepping away can create enough space for something else to enter. An idea. A connection. A conversation. An intuitive nudge. An option that seems obvious once you see it, but somehow remained completely invisible while you were trying so hard to find it.

Call it inspiration, intuition, subconscious processing, creativity, energy or something we don't yet have a neat explanation for. I've become much less concerned with needing to explain every part of it.

I'm far more interested in noticing when it happens. Because it does.

Perhaps you don't need another answer

There are problems we solve, and then there are situations we outgrow. There are moments when the next answer isn't available through more of the same thinking, simply because where we're going requires us to think differently.

This is particularly true when we're creating something we haven't created before. A new chapter. A different kind of career. A bigger vision. A change in the way we live, lead or work. Something we've never had evidence for before.

Our past experience can help us enormously, but it can also quietly dictate which possibilities we're prepared to consider. We start asking, How can I make this work? when the more useful question could be, What haven't I considered?

What have I already decided has to be true?

What solution am I trying to force?

If I stopped trying to work this out for a while, what space would that create?

What if the answer looks nothing like the one I'm currently looking for?

You don't need to sit bolt upright at 3am with an entire house renovation arriving in your head. But if there's something in your life you've been circling for weeks, months or even years, perhaps the next move isn't another round of problem-solving.

Perhaps it's putting it down for a while. Going for a walk. Doing something completely unrelated. Getting into a different environment. Having a conversation with someone who isn't standing inside the same frame you are. Creating some space and then paying attention to what arrives.

Sometimes the breakthrough comes when you finally stop demanding that the answer appear in the form you've already chosen for it.

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If this has you wondering where your own thinking, expectations or well-worn ways of approaching life could be limiting what you see, I've created two complimentary Blueprints to help you explore further.

The Unshakeable Woman Blueprint is for the woman who wants to trust herself more deeply, strengthen her confidence and stop allowing external expectations or other people's opinions to have quite so much influence over what she does next.

If you've already achieved a great deal but have a sense there is something more waiting for you, Success Was the Warm-Up will help you begin exploring what your next chapter could look like when you stop assuming the future needs to be an extension of the past.

If the thought of working through something yourself doesn't light you up and you prefer support around you, there are two ways we can work together: The Soft Strength Salon or private 1:1 coaching.

If you already have the dream, desire, change or possibility in mind and want somewhere to bring it, The Soft Strength Salon is my six-month group coaching experience. You have a space to think bigger, explore what you can't always see from inside your own life and be coached alongside a small group of women who are bringing their own dreams, questions and next chapters into the room.

If you prefer the intimacy and depth of having the space entirely to yourself, Private 1:1 Coaching gives us the opportunity to focus completely on you, what you're creating and whatever is getting in the way. It's highly personal, spacious and shaped around exactly what you need.

Janelle Ryan is a globally recognised personal, career and leadership coach who works with high-performing professionals and established leaders navigating growth, change and the next phase of their life and leadership. She is the founder of Sky High Coaching, an international speaker, retreat leader and published author, known for her work on internal authority, soft strength and sustainable success. Janelle blends deep insight with practical application to help capable women lead with clarity, confidence and precision.