Are You Morphing into Someone You're Not?
Morphing: to change gradually and completely from one thing into another thing usually in a way that is surprising or that seems magical. (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/morph) Most of us spend our lives morphing. Morphing into who we perceive to be the perfect employee, the perfect boss, the perfect partner, the perfect parent, the perfect friend, the perfect house guest, the perfect client, the perfect child, the perfect sibling, the perfect dinner date, the perfect person! Those of us who are particularly talented can morph from one thing to the next with ease – sometimes on a daily basis. When I began my business, like most entrepreneurs, I searched for networking events that were fun and inspiring to me. I found one in Melbourne, and started to attend their monthly events. And I LOVED them! Really LOVED them. They were easy and effortless and warm and friendly and not overly-networky. I met some amazing people throughout the years (whom I still have contact with to this day) and created some excellent business contacts. But this year, I discovered my enthusiasm towards this event waning. And it made me sad. How could something I loved so much now feel draining on my energy? Upon reflection I realised that I’d found the last couple of events over-competitive, loud and ego-driven. People competing to be heard. People competing over who had the biggest achievements. Or landed the biggest client. Or made the most money. Oh, and name dropping was at an all-time high. It wasn’t me. But worse than that, because of my habit to morph into who I think I should BE in any given moment, I embraced the culture and joined right in! Argh! So OF COURSE when I returned home from the event I was exhausted, uninspired and completely filled with self doubt. I also didn’t like myself very much. Helpful morphing v unhelpful morphing. My past has been filled with unhelpful morphing. Toxic relationship followed toxic relationship due to my habit of morphing into the woman I thought that person would love. Never a good plan, as it turns out. Beginning a degree in accounting because the organisation I worked for wanted me to. Yep, I was all ready to morph into their perfect accountant UNTIL they put every employee through a psychological program and my report came back that sticking me behind a computer would actually kill me. Whew! Then returning to university many years later, for no other reason than I wanted my parents to be proud of me. Morphing into the daughter I thought I needed to be for them to be proud. Which was rubbish. They were already proud of me. Starting a business and morphing into an uber-perfect, unflawed, highly enlightened, got it all sorted out, flowers in her hair, Coach. THANK GOD that’s over. And don’t tell anyone, but it was all an act anyway. I’ve NEVER had it all going on. And the flowers kept slipping out. Attending a network event and morphing into a loud, ultra-competitive name dropper! (and I was terrible at it - I don’t know Richard Branson or Tony Robbins). BUT let’s not entirely paint morphing with the bad-news-brush! The ability to morph (to change gradually and completely from one thing into another thing usually in a way that is surprising or that seems magical) HAS also been my friend. Over the years I have morphed from small town girl to global explorer, from worker bee to leader, from employee to entrepreneur, from love-chaser to happy wife, from singledom to step mummy, from flower in her hair Coach to real, authentic, flawed, constantly learning Coach. But when I look back now I can see the helpful morphing has been a more difficult transition than the unhelpful morphing. For me, unhelpful morphing was almost effortless. Don’t speak up. Don’t express my own needs and wants. Say yes to keep someone else happy. Agree with everything. Bottle up my feelings. Keep the peace. Compare myself to someone else and copy them. THAT was easy. It was the morphing into the true me, that was the challenge. I didn’t do it alone. I had a lot of help. Help from professionals who taught me to look inwards to what I wanted, gave me the courage to use my voice, the confidence to take risks and the boldness to make (sometimes unpopular) choices. The work was worth every cent, every tear and every minute (actually hours, weeks, months and years). And I’m still going. And helping others do this too. I invite you to ask yourself, is there anywhere in your life you're morphing into someone who doesn't 'fit' the real and authentic YOU? Have you morphed into your perception of the perfect spouse, resentful your needs are not heard? Have you morphed into your perception of the perfect friend, running yourself ragged doing things for everyone else? Have you morphed into your perception of the perfect parent, never taking any time out for yourself? Have you morphed into your perception of the perfect employee; saying yes to all tasks, picking up other’s slack, agreeing with your boss when you actually think differently? Have your morphed into your perception of the PERFECT PERSON, putting on your mask every day before you enter the world? Hiding your flaws and fears? The sad thing about the above is...... your partner fell in love with who you were when you met them, if your friends love you they won’t mind if you say no occasionally, we are better parents when we take time for ourselves, I speak with leaders regularly who are craving disagreement and we form more authentic connections when we embrace our imperfections. But sometimes this is difficult to see. And every harder to do. One of the biggest, and sometimes most frightening, steps of morphing away from an inauthentic version of you and into who YOU are is using your voice. Asking for what you want and what you need. For some of us, for a myriad of reasons (tribal and modern conditioning), this can feel frightening. If you’d like to learn a framework to make this easier – at work and at home – click on my video below and I’ll walk you through it. If you would like to lean into HELPFUL MORPHING (to change gradually and completely from one thing into another thing usually in a way that is surprising or that seems magical) with me as your Coach and catalyst to change, I have some opportunities to do so. My Salon is now open. 8 months of immersion in group coaching, live events and a big warm cocoon of support. Click here to find out more. My 2019 Weekend Intensive is open for early bird bookings. Next March we will spend 2 full days EXPANDING our minds, learning to CREATE whatever we wish so we can LEAD and inspire others. I met with one of our guest speakers yesterday and she is one of the most amazing women I have met on this planet. No exaggeration. I'm so excited! Click here to reserve your seat. We had such a ball in Bali this year, we are doing it again in July 2019. Thirsty Soul Bali Retreat is for high performing women to take some time out and recharge. Early bird is now open. Click here for all the info.