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'Fitting In' is not Belonging

Updated: Jul 17, 2020

I used to be so proud of how I could morph myself, or make myself 'fit' into any situation. Until I realised that fitting in was not belonging.

Even the words, fitting in, evoke images of changing something about ourselves in order to adapt, meet or become the round peg that slots nicely into the round hole.

We do this via the clothes we do or don't wear, the things we do or don't say, the food we consume or avoid, the opinions we do or don't have, who we date and who we reject, where we study and the roles we accept (or not), how we run our business, what our website looks like.

And when you think about it, most of the time the purpose of our adaptation is so we don't rock the boat or cause discomfort in ourselves or (and more commonly) someone else. We stay small. We hide in the shadows. We remain quiet.

When we BELONG we don't have to adapt, meet or become anything or anyone. We align. We can be ourselves. We can relax. Practise vulnerability. Make mistakes. Embrace the messiness of life. Laugh at ourselves. Let go of the constant need for perfection. Be loud. Let our kookiness out.

When we enter a situation desperately trying to fit in and someone doesn't accept us, it can cause us to spiral into self loathing, regret, fear and uncertainty about ourselves and our 'likability'. How can this person not like me? What's wrong with me? What do I have to change or fix to be accepted?

If we enter a situation being ourselves, and someone doesn't like or accept us, are we okay with that? Are we okay knowing that we lived that day or that moment or entered the situation 100% aligned with who we are?

What do you think?

Hi and thanks for reading. My name is Janelle Ryan and I am a Personal Coach who helps high performers EXPAND their minds, CREATE whatever it is they wish and LEAD and inspire others.

If you’d like some extra support unleashing your untapped potential and living a more authentic and fulfilling life, we will be diving right in from September 2019 in my intimate Sky High Coaching Salon. What is a Salon? It's 7 months of group coaching with a small group of like-minded souls. Are you ready to create the next phase in your precious life? We have 3 places available. Click below if you are curious:

It's going to be so much fun! I'm excited!

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