Why do we need confidence in our lives and ourselves? How important is it to us really?
Well, we all need a certain level of confidence to get through our day. Confidence to drive our car without fear of an accident. Confidence to enjoy our roles in our professional lives, knowing we can undertake the tasks expected of us. Confidence to meet the “amazing man” your friend has been casually mentioning for months now. Confidence to attempt the 10km fun run for the first time.
We need a certain amount of confidence just to undertake our day to day tasks, and I'm guessing you already have that in spades. But when a lack of confidence is stopping you from consciously creating a life of your own design, it may be time to turn inwards and explore why and how you are limiting yourself.
For example, you may have a wish to be married with a family. But a lack of confidence prevents you from dating or truly opening yourself up to someone else. Or, you may have met the fabulous man and fallen in love but fear of becoming an “instant mum” to his child is stopping you from taking the next step.
You may have a burning desire to climb the corporate ladder, but fear you’re not smart, organised or experienced enough.
Been at home for 5 years raising children and dying to go back to work? Scared that you no longer have the skills or talent?
The list could go on and although the examples are different they all have one thing in common – a lack of confidence stops you in your tracks and prevents you from moving forward towards your dreams and desires.
Why do some of us lack confidence? Why do some of us feel overwhelming confidence in some areas of our life but terrified to take action in others?
The answers to these questions are of course linked to the individual person, but usually, we lack confidence in one or more areas of our life due to messages we received from someone we respected and/or trusted ("you're just average") or things we personally experienced in our past (missing out on the promotion we really wanted).
Confidence is fluid and very personal. Anxiety and self-doubt may be something you have struggled with your entire life. Whereas for another, confidence was high until a significant life event, such as a divorce or redundancy, knocked them temporarily sideways.
What can you do to move from a place of fear and paralysis, into a place of confidence and action? By remembering that confidence is a RESULT, not a requirement. Action creates confidence. If you are waiting to feel more confident before you take action you, my friend, will be waiting a very long time.
Ready to play? Grab your journal, or a piece of paper and jump into this short exercise. With a big smile on your face - transformation is merely moments away.
1. Decide which area of your life you need to gain or regain confidence in. Make it clear.
I want to regain confidence in my job search as I feel as though I botched my last interview.
2. Write down the goal you wish to achieve in this area.
My goal is to find a challenging and fulfilling role within an organisation that appreciates and values its employees.
3. Consider and write down what frightens you about this goal. Don’t let it paralyse you. Just write it down and move onto the next part.
What frightens me is that I may find that role but mess up the interview again, which will make me feel powerless, defeated and stuck.
4. Take some time and write down three actions you could take for this goal to appear.
Three actions I could take to lead me towards this goal are:
Update my LinkedIn profile
Continue to research available roles on online job sites and apply for them
Make a list of friends and colleagues who may assist me with interview practice
5. Look at your three actions and write down how you feel about them. If you feel slightly uncomfortable, that's okay. Becoming comfortable with feeling uncomfortable (and doing it anyway) creates more confidence. Then note down the benefit of taking each action.
I love using LinkedIn and this will be a great way to feel more confident about my skills, strengths and what I can offer an organisation.
Although this makes me feel a bit nervous, applying for more roles is a great way for my resume to be seen. I will focus on this step only. I will refrain from thinking ahead to potential interviews.
This action does make me a bit anxious but these are my friends and most trusted colleagues and they will be happy to assist me.
Obviously, this appears to be a very simplistic example, but most effective coaching tools are just that - incredibly simple! Stay focused on the thing you want to consciously create and move towards it, one step at a time.
As you experience success when completing the tiny steps (or actions), move into some larger ones. Before you know it something amazing is happening - you become more confident about achieving this goal.
Confidence is a result of taking action - not the other way around.
Good luck!
My name is Janelle Ryan and MY MISSION is for everyone on the planet to find their VOICE, step into their POWER and SHINE their light out into the world. I do this by helping high performers expand their minds, create whatever it is they wish then lead from the front.
When you are ready to take the next step to expansion, creation and leadership there are limited places available for 1:1 PRIVATE COACHING with me. Just you and me - there's nowhere to hide. To apply CLICK HERE.