How to Transition from a Partnership to Flying Solo
Love. Love. Love. It makes the world go around. It's a many splendor-ed thing. It's a crazy little thing. It's old, it's new, it's all and it's you. Seriously, you could write songs about it! (see what I did there??)
Relationship experts tell us the most popular 'break up' month is December, when cracks that already exist in relationships are magnified during the holiday season OR couples decide they do not want to enter the new year in a relationship that no longer fulfills their needs.
Sometimes, either through our own choice or not, our relationships run their course and we find ourselves moving from coupledom to singledom.
Is there a way to make the transition from "table for two" to "just me" as painless as possible?
Here are some firsthand tips from a woman I know who walked away from an unhappy relationship and decided to get “really truly happy”. These are the actual actions she put in place – which inadvertently led to her meeting the man she later married.
Not in the transition from couple to solo, but would love to learn how to move towards more happiness and fulfillment? These tips will work for you too!
"1. I was feeling broken spiritually and emotionally after my breakup and other personal losses so I took some annual leave and booked a retreat in Bali. This is not realistic for everyone, but everyone can seek professional help. A counsellor or psychologist will work through feelings of depression or sadness with you and help you heal any emotional wounds.
2. I moved back to my own flat (I was so pleased I hadn't sold it) and created a living environment that calmed me and brought me joy. Just changing the colours on the walls lifted my spirits. You may have to stay with friends or family for a while, but when you can, find a place (shared or alone) you love to call home.
3. We did not have children or mutual friends so I deleted his number from my phone and eliminated contact.
4. I consciously left the breakup behind when I entered my workplace. My job, the energy from my colleagues and physical work place was a welcome haven. Immersing myself in my role gave me 8 hours fun and focus on something other than the breakup.
5. I started a journal and wrote about my thoughts and feelings. This helps more than you think.
6. I did have a wine each night (and more if a girlfriend came over), but tried to keep any emotional “crutches” to a minimum.
7. I do not live near my family but am lucky enough to have an “urban family” of close male and female friends. I leaned on them for support but did try to respect their boundaries. I don’t remember making any 3am phone calls, but did do some evening drop ins!
8. Many, many, many walks on the beach. I found it cleared my head and soothed my soul. I’m certain bush-walking would have the same effect.
9. I already liked exercising so probably stepped that up a bit more. It wasn’t extreme exercise to “escape” – I just liked feeling strong and healthy. Boxing with my personal trainer was an exceptional way to release anger and hurt feelings!
Thankfully he could take the punches.
10. Obviously I was enjoying comfort food such as chocolate (!) but overall I tried to eat as healthily as I could. Junk food just made me feel lethargic and depressed.
11. I’m not great at it, but I did mediate 5 to 10 minutes a day. I found the stillness calmed me and helped open my mind to new thoughts and possibilities.
12. I pampered myself – I went to the hairdresser for a cut and colour (nothing breakup crazy!), got a facial and a massage and bought a couple of new pieces of clothing.
After a couple of months I started to feel a bit more like myself. The counselling really helped and I was started to feel whole again. It was time to take the next steps towards being “really, truly happy”.
1. I found fun activities to try – this is how I did it. Grab a huge piece of blank paper and some coloured markers. List all the activities you enjoyed as a child and all the activities you’ve always wanted to try. Take your time. When your list is complete, circle the ones that you could realistically start immediately and put plans in place to do so. I put the “secondary list” – things I could do later when I had more time/money – away for future reference.
2. I returned to my personal coach and we looked at every area of my life. I chose which areas I wanted to focus on and set goals and actions around those areas. I moved forward.
3. I reflected on the last relationship. Time and space had given me clarity and perspective and I could really see how unhealthy it was. I examined how I had acted and behaved and vowed I would never again put myself in a situation that forced me to react and defend myself in that way. I listed the things I wanted in my next relationship as well as the things I didn’t. I discovered how much I had learned about myself.
4. I worked with my coach on confidence, changing my mindset and breaking through negative barriers about myself and how my life was “supposed” to look like. I realised I was open to, and deserved love.
Working through these activities gave me strength, resilience, clarity, personal growth, a vision for the future and I really was "really, truly happy".
When I started the process it was not a goal to meet someone new, but when it happened I was more confident and sure of myself and who I am. I am now married, and I find I am more vulnerable and open in the relationship, I use my voice and will stand for nothing less than true partnership.
I hope sharing my experience and my tips will help someone else moving through the process of a breakup. "
If you are ready to expand your mind to new ways of thinking; learn to create anything you wish; stand tall and use your voice in your life I invite you to join me in the beautiful Yarra Valley (Victoria, Australia) on 21 and 22 March 2020 for my
SKY HIGH COACHING WEEKEND INTENSIVE. At this weekend workshop you'll create your vision for the next 12 months, develop a strategy to make it appear, learn how to smash through any self doubt that may arise AND leave with my very best tips and tricks on how to create more confidence in yourself and your life. You can also put your hand up to receive LIVE laser beam coaching (if you want it). You will meet some like-minded individuals and have fun!
Find your power. Use your voice. Shine your light out into the world.
If you have a question for me, or a challenge you'd like to work through, I'd love to hear from you! Feel free to drop me a line via this platform or email your question directly to me firstname.lastname@example.org.